Icethetics to launch new goalie control app

So you're there watching a hockey game — frustrated as heck by poor goaltending! 

Ever wished you could just take control over your goalie's every move? Of course you have.

So naturally, it's Icethetics to the rescue! We're preparing to launch a brand new mobile app that will allow you to direct your netminder's actions from wherever you are. Never watch an unwanted puck fly into your team's net ever again!

And because this is Icethetics, you'll also be completely in charge of your goalie's jersey. The app lets you choose from an existing set of designs or create your own from scratch! And it's all right at your fingertips. Isn't technology grand?

How is all this possible? Easy. Brain implant technology, already inserted into your goalie's head, turns your mobile device into a literal remote control. He won't make a move unless directly instructed by you. As for the jerseys, let's just say enormous leaps in 3D printing technology have made it possible to produce almost anything your heart desires.

You tap the screen, he makes a save. You choose a jersey, he immediately wears it. Now there's no one to blame but yourself for bad goals and ugly jerseys. So do your part and don't let that crap happen!

To you, it'll feel like a game. To the goalie, it's do or die.

The free Icethetics mobile app is coming soon only on the App Store. (Sorry, Android users. Not part of the Apple cult? No goalie control for you!) Stay tuned for details on the release date.